(Special thanks to my new facebook friend and colleague Danielle and my other buddy Steve for the inspiration behind this piece....and both for two very different but good reasons)
Assuming these types of shows are relatively accurate depictions of the dog eat dog life of earlier human history, I can understand why they are so popular and watched by many today. There's a certain appeal to how disputes and differences were settled in our earlier days. Cross me, wrong me, mock me, touch my family and I would either kill you or teach you a really painful and not so forgotten lesson. Brutal, uncivilized....yet simple. And we humans love simple. And it would seem, at least in the Western Civilization, that we love to indulge in these active-aggressive fantasies as an outlet to our stifled feelings of stress and aggression by switching on the TV at the end of each day. Even many of the brutal modern day period shows (ie-Banshee) appeal to the simplicity of settling disputes mano-a-mano (even the women on these shows are kicking ass).
So I have a theory. As man's developmental and evolutionary trajectory progresses (and continues to progress) thru the ages and we become (as a whole) a little more "cortically civilized" and a little less "limbically loutish", aggression takes on a whole new meaning. Since its no longer appropriate, nor legal, to be actively aggressive, we have chosen instead to be passively aggressive- "active's" less obvious but no less aggressive little sister. Today's passive aggressive person can grind on you for YEARS. Instead of the old fashioned quick and be done with settlement of differences and disputes, we have the slower festering, toxic and life sucking affects of passive aggression.
You know who they are in your life and, guaranteed, you've administered your fair share of passive aggression tactics as well. I know I have. So let's review the specs of today's modern day "Viking";
-Generally negative attitudes towards many situations in life and other people, especially when those people are not in the room.
-At work, they tend to avoid responsibility and are lousy at accepting criticism, even constructive criticism that would help them further their career.
-Slight paranoia in that they think others have it in for them.
-Pass off their unhappiness to outside factors. Their emotions are a result of "you made me feel this way!"
-Given a suggestion to do a task, they will avoid doing it out of spite, despite it being a better option.
-Easily offended. Takes things people say and misconstrues them as attacks.
-Sarcasm or feigned sarcasm is their favourite weapon especially with the targeted person in the room. Its their way of pushing buttons and winning the "power" struggle with you. Beware, they are good at it and have had years of practice especially the narcissistic passive-aggressive.....the most lethal kind.
-Fear of intimacy. For them, intimacy is a sign of dependency and they do not like to feel dependent on anybody or anything.
-They do not communicate well. And this is a funny one because they feel others do not communicate well with them and, as a result, they refuse to communicate well with others. In fact, their behaviour has trained others around them to avoid communication. On that note, the passive-aggressive loves the internet-email, chat rooms, facebook forums-are the training grounds for this warrior. They love the fact that tone and lack of visible non-verbal cues can't be picked up by the victims of their disdain.
-They rarely delve out genuine and authentic compliments to others.
-The hallmark of a passive-aggressive is avoiding direct conflict but being real sneaky about their disdain. For example, if a passive-aggressive person lives in an apartment and their upstairs neighbour constantly blares music, the person might imagine (and in fact will replay that scene over and over again in their mind) going to the neighbour to ask them to turn it down. Instead, the irritated tenant will do something more subtle to try and get their point across, like turn up their music to try and drown out the neighbour's music. Some might even talk to the building manager but for many this action is even too confrontational.
So how do you know if you're a passive-aggressive?
A) If you've just read that list and you now think that I am specifically talking about you.....you are definitely passive-aggressive.
B) If you've just read that list and you are in complete denial of possessing any of those traits and are now completely offended that I would even suggest that you do......sorry, still passive-aggressive...and I'm sure you'll find a sneaky way to get back at me. Let me save you the trouble.....you win and I surrender.
I was actually surprised to learn that a passive-aggressive personality is listed as a disorder with the American Psychological Association. Aha! A chance to speculate on the neurological substrates of passive-aggressive behaviour. As I have been preaching for awhile now, we can no longer study behaviour in a vacuum separate from the underlying neuro-functional and neuro-anatomical components and its subsequent far reaching effects on health and healing.
It would appear that passive-aggressive behaviour falls on the Obsessive-Compulsive spectrum which points to an area known as the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (DLPFC). Loops between the DLPFC and Basal ganglion and then subsequently reinforcement by limbic loops between ventral striatum and amygdala develop their plasticity over years of observation (starting with their parents most likely)and then practiced over and over again. Imbalanced approach and avoidance behaviours get these people stuck in their obsessive thoughts about what's wrong with others and what's wrong with life and then stuck in their compulsion to express and then avoid. Essentially, they get high on it. Its a monster in marriages and I would venture to say a leading cause of divorce today.
Are there ways to address and deal with this cunning and effective modern day "Viking"? Yes, according to many self-help magazine articles, blogs, advice columns and books but I'd just as soon to suggest..............
Pass me the fucking battle axe.
